I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
