I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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