this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
