the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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