All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
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I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
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How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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