so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
