not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize