don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
