I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
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