Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
