Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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