Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
