some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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