sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
