You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
