...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
