So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
