Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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