I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
