I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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