Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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