And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
