On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
