I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
