I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
