im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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