I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
