Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
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