he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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