i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Randomize
