sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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