I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
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