Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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