I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
