Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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