The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
