so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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