o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
