Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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