I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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