Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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