You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
