Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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