No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize