I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
