Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
