I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
