i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
