i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
