How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
