First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
