when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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