so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
