My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
