i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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