He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
