Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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