My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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